we had a really big couple of weeks. wonderful and stressful and amazing. we celebrated and mourned elijah thomas' 4th birthday, we had a big party for nolans birthday and we have been just plain busy. having nolan and elijah's birthdays both in the same week is a blessing and a curse. i have this heaviness that sets in about the time that the calender says "April" and then it just settles on my spirit until after elijahs birthday then i begin to wake up from the fogginess and start getting excited for nolans birthday. it is a transition i don't love but i always learn from it. my precious baby boy is still teaching me even after four years and i hope forever. i miss him so much, i miss all of the things we don't get to experience with him here. i wonder what his laugh will sound like, i imagine what his personality would be, would he be more quiet like isaac, or loud, like nolan? how would i ever fit three car seats in the back seat of my car? would they all play well together? all these questions. then you throw in easter in the same week with all of this and my emotions get rubbed raw to the point of bleeding. partly im glad that resurrection sunday falls in the same week,it helps to be reminded of the glorious grace and hope that we have in our Creator/Father/Savior. one day all this pain and sorrow of the world will be gone, no more sadness, no more tears, only overflowing love, and peace. thank you Jesus for hope! take care of my baby, he was yours first and always. let that be the truth for us all.